Experience – or learning from mistakes is a part of the education that we don’t get in formal classrooms. Sometimes it takes more than one lesson for an idea to make itself clear or for us to recognize and learn to apply it in different situations. I know, from my own experience, not to take too literally the admonition to turn the other cheek and give people or situations a second chance. After a bad experience, I used to think that maybe people weren’t all alike, and maybe I was merely the victim of an unfortunate coincidence. Or maybe I am just plain stubborn and unwilling to think the worst of other people’s faults. Whatever the reason, I have finally learned a number of things the hard way and am ready to list a few maxims that appear to have been proven by time.

I once thought that the expression “three’s a crowd” was limited to romantic situations. But I’ve learned that it also applies to situations as innocent as being invited to join a friend for lunch. Then, she mentions that a childhood friend, a visiting sister, or an old college roommate will be joining us. “You’ll love her,” your friend insists, “she’s so funny, and we always had a ball when we were young. I haven’t seen her for over ten years.” Here is where the sirens should start to wail and it is prudent to remember an appointment to have a root canal. Believe me, at least the dentist will give you Novocaine to help you through the worst of the experience, but there will be little or no relief from being trapped with two bubbly, chattering old buddies catching up on the past decade and reminiscing about the decades before that. One can only study the menu, examine the restaurant décor, or eavesdrop on the couple at the next table for so long.

Then there’s the celebratory party – where an acquaintance wants an appreciative audience to relive the glory of some recent accomplishment. Unless the celebrant is very dear to your heart – and unless you are not possessed of even the tiniest iota of jealousy – you will do well to send a bottle of champagne and regrets rather than to attend the festivities. The celebrant will be unbearably modest or unbearably smug, and you will tire, very rapidly, of the only topic of conversation. Spending two or three hours in unlimited gushing can be exhausting.

Beware of the off-hand, casual invitation. This includes everything from “drop in any time” to “if you ever get to this part of the country, be sure to look us up.” More times than not, your host or hostess will be on the way out the door for choir practice or in bed with the flu when you “drop by.” The former classmate or shirt-tail relation who insisted on being “looked up” will be, at the moment of your phone call or unexpected arrival, conducting a Cub Scout meeting, volunteering at the Senior Center in twenty minutes, or visiting an ailing aunt. Don’t even consider the impulsive invitation to “come stay with us a few days during your vacation.” You will most likely be bedded down on an air mattress in the rec room, trodden by kids and dogs, fed Chinese carry-out or charred hamburgers on the patio, and entertained with endless games of Scrabble or home videos of last year’s vacation. And it will rain the whole time – count on it.

Expect about fifty percent replies to any RSVP you request. Providing stamped, addressed envelopes helps – but not much. To be safe, you simply have to be prepared for everybody you invite to show up. Have contingency plans for any outdoor event you plan – from a family picnic to a garden wedding. This is especially true if you live in Iowa. Don’t believe everything you see in the movies, on television or in the newspaper or magazines.

Remember that estimates are only estimates – and they are ALWAYS lower than the final bill.

And finally – and most importantly – never assume that, just because something turned out okay the first time, doing it the same way will always insure success. Every day holds adventures and surprises, and the only sure thing is that there’s no such thing as a sure thing.