It’s been almost a month since you made those New Year’s resolutions. So, how are you doing? Have you really tried? Every single day, or just when you were beginning to feel guilty for slacking off? If you’ve been fairly successful, has it made you feel better about yourself?
About fifty years ago, when I first began volunteering at Lakeview Elementary in Solon, Sandy Lawrence had just taken over as principal there and she had put up a small sign in the teachers’ lounge where the teachers ate their lunch, took coffee breaks when they weren’t in the classroom, met for staff meetings and grabbed a few minutes of social time when possible. The sign stated, without elaboration, “Happiness is a conscious decision, not just a reaction to circumstances.”
Since I had enjoyed a happy childhood and had a good marriage and four well-adjusted kids, I took my pleasant life pretty much for granted and gave little thought to what caused or prevented happiness – until that little sign kept nagging at my mind and making me curious about just why I was happy and why some other people were not. As a child of the Depression, I knew that there were many things that I could not expect to have. Maybe it was easier because not very many other people had them either, but I managed to survive without them. In fact, as most people of my generation will tell you now, we’re probably better off because we didn’t have them. We learned to improvise, to find alternatives, to invent, or to accept what we couldn’t do anything about. The main thing we learned, though, was that those things didn’t have much to do with whether or not we were happy. That was up to us.
Would you describe yourself as being a happy person? Not just comfortable, or lucky, or coping, but HAPPY? If you’re not happy, why not? What do you need? What do you want? What do you expect? And why don’t you do something about it?
Happiness isn’t just a serendipitous set of circumstances. It isn’t something that somebody else gives to you. It isn’t chance – or fate. No other thing, and no other person is responsible for your happiness – you are. Don’t expect your friend or mate to make you happy. It is not their responsibility, They can only give you small temporary delights, and it is selfish of you to put that burden on the person you love. Such expectations are greedy and destructive and can lead only to loss, despair and unhappiness.
To achieve happiness, you need to figure out what it will take to make you happy. Then, change the things you can change, and accept the ones that you can do nothing about. The knight in shining armor, the “ship coming in,” finding Sleeping Beauty, or winning the lottery isn’t what’s going to do it. The potential for happiness is in all of us. For some, it can be nearly smothered by things over which we have no control, so we must learn to ignore and avoid them. For others, it is unrealistic or impossible expectations that we must put aside and replace with goals within our grasp. For others, it can be a refusal to acknowledge their own shortcomings. Sometimes the dreams are mere fantasy and just a means of escape from reality. We need to accept that those are not real and perhaps replace them with the possible.
Gloomy winter days, too much time indoors, lack of exercise, too little social stimulation and too many television re-runs can bring about the winter blues. Even mild depression can exacerbate aches and pains, overeating, poor sleep, and lack of interest in hobbies and social activities. Winter can be a bad time for those people who are alone or otherwise isolated. Crime, suicides, and aberrant behavior go up and the happiness level in general can plummet. If you feel this gloom creeping your way, I have one sure-fire suggestion to make things better; Look around and find someone who needs cheering up and take them to the library, the coffee shop or a movie. You’ll both be a lot happier.