That phrase first appeared in John Ray’s collection of English proverbs in 1670 and applies to the very human trait of wanting things we are not able or sincere enough to strive for. As children we may have wanted to be like Superman or Wonder Woman but were unable because of the possibility being beyond human grasp no matter how hard we try. As adults we may aspire to exceptional athletic ability, which is possible for most of us, but only if we are willing to put in the hard work and self-discipline to achieve it. Too often, we still apply that childish faith in wishful thinking to things that depend on our own efforts and not on the magic of wishes.
Things such as those rather over-enthusiastic New Year resolutions you made. Did you really expect to lose forty pounds in four months, pay off that scary credit card balance or raise that C in chemistry to an A by mid-term? If so, you may be feeling a bit guilty about now, about having done little or nothing toward the self-improvements you vowed to tackle. If so, chances are that you made one of several mistakes when you made those lofty promises.
It is wise to make only one firm resolution that you have a chance of achieving. Resolving to correct all your weaknesses and misdemeanors in one gigantic campaign is not only futile, but foolish.
The only exception to this might possibly be a few things that can be resolved by a single effort rather than sustained action. Those might be such things as promising yourself to return that over-due library book, return the sweater you borrowed from your cousin, throw out the dead plant you forgot to water or write a thank-you note – a tactful one – to the aunt who sent you that ugly ceramic coffee mug, without hurting her feelings. If you resolved to grow three inches taller by March, or to not lose your temper no matter what, you probably set yourself up for failure.
We often get discouraged and sometimes embarrassed by failure to fulfill those resolutions – especially if we tell someone about them. Whoever you tell, make it someone that you trust to keep it to themselves and who is understanding and forgiving. Whatever you do, do not post it on any of those chat sites or other places on your computer. Not even in an e-mail. Even if nobody but you ever sees it, you don’t want it popping up at an inconvenient time, unexpectedly somewhere in your future.
Most of the things people resolve to change about themselves are things that others have come to accept as part of their personality and character. Unless friends have told you that you need to change, they probably like you just the way you are. It’s even possible that they consider what you think is a fault to be part of your charm. On the other hand, don’t make any resolutions based solely on the insistence of others. If their suggestion goes against your own evaluation, ignore it. If it isn’t a problem to you, then the problem is theirs and they are the one who needs to make a change.
The most important thing you can do is to learn to forgive yourself. You’re not perfect, you have had unique experiences and other influences that strongly affect your attitudes and actions. Trust your instincts, analyze your reasons for being the person you are. If you don’t feel good about the changes you think would make you happier, your life easier and your future sunnier, then maybe those changes are not such a good idea. Your so-called faults may be assets in the long run, so give them a chance to prove their worth. If you don’t want to admit defeat, remember that you can still start over. It’s never too late to “pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.”
There is one sure way to avoid agonizing over any doubts or lapses regarding those annual resolutions. Don’t make them in the first place. If the improvements seem important and doable, you can still keep working on your problem areas without making any pressure-producing resolutions. If you can’t pass them up all together, then give yourself an out and rephrase and down-size resolutions to promises to TRY.